Describe the Pattern, Not the Person

Describe the Pattern, Not the Person

You don't need to write anything down. Putting what happened into plain words—for yourself or someone you trust—can be enough.

When you think about what's been happening, stick to what you saw and heard:

• What was said?
• What was done?
• What changed?
• What keeps repeating?

Skip the labels. You don't need to figure out what's "wrong" with someone. And who someone is — their race, religion, background, looks or anything like that — is never part of a pattern.

If you're only seeing this now, that's okay.